Limits

A question that you constantly meet in the BDSM world is this: What are your limits. You are meant to answer with a number of code words which will tell your opposite what you are not willing to do. Implying of course that whatever you have not specified as a limit is something the dominant is free to do to you.

I have never been able to answer that in the supposed fashion. What should I say? scat, kids, blood but otherwise go ahead?

I sometimes say: I will not do anything that is likely to land me in either hospital or prison!

Still that doesn't really mean that whatever else you do is OK, does it?

When two people get together in our world to play a very pre-defined game that an SM session is, it has something in common with any "vanilla" sexual encounter people have:

If you don't know each other you have to talk and to slowly explore each other. Get to now each other. Read each others reactions, find out how to adjust to each other. Talk. Ask. Tell.

You may think it is all about an exchange of power, but it never is.

It is like life always is: The roles may be defined in advance, but you still have to adapt to each other and find all the subtle little ways of showing and reading each other.

That is why subtlety, refinement and sensitivity makes for good lovers, no matter what form the encounters take.

The people looking for women like me

They are indeed a varied lot. A strange group in many ways. A lot of men looking for a chat or camming session while they're hiding in their den, their wives ignorant of hubbies little hobby.

I don't mind that kind at all really, I just hate it when they're there pretending to be serious!

I can do a little chat now and then and pretend to be someones slave for a little while. It's fun, makes me wet, if the other person is able to express themselves in writing it can be great.

A lot of the people on sites like collarme seem to live their life online. I don't. Nothing is so revealing as somebody who's available online around the clock.

Unfortunately a lot of rather pathetic men hides behind the Dom, Domme or Master title they award themselves. Quite a few men who have failed in all relationships before and somehow manage to delude themselves into thinking if they can only find the completely compliant woman, a slave, then everything will be fine.

So what do they do? They go on collarme or another bdsm dating site, claim to have tons of experience, and hope to latch on to some girl who dream of submitting to them.

Too few dominants understand that it is not about barking orders like drill sergeants. To few dominants understand that women are still seduced by quiet refinement, intelligence and sensitivity.

Too few dominants are actually able to hit what they're aiming for, when they're wielding a whip or a cane.

Too few dominants have even a minimum understanding of anatomy to understand where on the body to use what implements. Do not hit the stomach or kidneys with bats, paddles or other blunt, heavy objects. It's dangerous.

On the soft belly, use the fine, cutting whip or cane. It hurts more stings badly, leaves nice welts and heals quickly.

Paddles are for soft, fleshy behinds!

Another problem frequently encountered: people who do not understand that to have someone living with you implies having a relationship way beyond the "I keep you in a cage and take you out to beat you and fuck you and then I put you back in cage" type imagined lifestyle. IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT in the real world!

Also, having a slave girl living with you costs money! If you are a poor man forget it! You are not going to find that girl who will work and give you all her money and then take care of your house and needs, sexual and otherwise. The only possibility of finding that is if you find someone who is severely intellectually challenged! Come to think of it so are you if you believe that nonsense.

Also something that is important to me personally. I detest idiots and republicans. I can tolerate and even enjoy an old fashioned republican, but the modern variety are simply idiots, so if you like Sarah Palin or ever voted for Bush or think Glenn Beck is wise, please stay far away from me.

the Time-share slave

There was one day some time ago I woke up with that concept on my mind. In a sense it's very real. The way I arrange my life is somewhat different from most people. Over the last couple of years it has settled in a firm pattern.

It works like this:

I do not play in the city where I live and work! There I am a regular young working woman with a quite ordinary life.

There are a few people around, in neighboring countries mostly, who have become regular lovers. And lovers within that particular setting that an active SM relationship provides.

A few couples, a few single dominants of both sexes.

Most of my weekends are for them. Most of my shorter vacations are for them. Most of my summer vacation is for uncle Theo.

Sometimes I find new people in the US or in Europe to visit during summer or x-mas vacations. I find them on sites like fetlife and collarme.

Given the fact that I work. That I have many interests that I pursue, means that the time I spend online is limited, my time in general is limited,and consequently I am not really interested in finding a lot of new dominants.

I like the life I have now! I am not going to change it for the immediate future at least. As a matter of fact:

I love my life!

Background

Born in California I moved to scandinavia seven, soon eight years ago. My family moved when dad got a job here. He and mom left, but I had started my studies and preferred to stay.

I have always had a tendency to yield to the ones who are stronger than I am. I have always been stimulated by thoughts of being kept captive, used for the pleasure of others, displayed by someone to a public of strangers. All of this before I had any practical knowledge of sex.

When I was about eighteen I started putting names to my desires. When I read "the story of O" did I understand what I am. No book has had such a direct influence on my life as that one.

I had various relationships with people I tried to seduce into dominating me. Many a time I hinted at how a spanking might ignite something in me. Most times thefollowing spanking was rather tepid. One woman showed promise but ended up feeling guilty for abusing me. I ended up being a therapist to my Domme, telling her it was ok to whip my ass.

Things were lookin bleak.

Then Theo came into my life.

Uncle Theo. Almost thirtyfour years my senior. By all normal standards I should have rejected the very thought of taking him as my lover, even less falling in love with him.

The man who takes me to museums and has taught me about art, who also have taught me to savour the pain when he taks the bamboo cane and strikes my pussy.

The man who motivated me to go back and complete my master's degree and was an informed and intelligent mentor in the writing of my thesis. Not to mention the skills in editing the thesis and insuring that A.

The man who has taught me about food and fine dining.

The man who sometimes brings me series of orgasms that just go on and on.

The man who insisted I move away from him while I still felt this way about him. The man I visit whenever he calls, despite him being a journey away.

I love you uncle Theo

The basic paradox

I am a free woman of 26, I am a slave.

I am a working woman in control of my own life, I am totally dependant upon those stronger than I am.

I have an active sex life and make my own decisions about whom I have sex with, I submit to a dominant person or couple and do their bidding.

I walk proudly into this world, I yearn for humiliation.

I am a slave