A morning on collarme

So I've spent yet another unproductive morning on Cm. Not that I am really looking much for new dominants given my calendar is pretty much full anyway. I think the reason I'm there at all is that elusive dream, meeting the perfect Owner. The one who I just see is the one to take me out of my present life and enslave me forever. Seeing a message from him/her/them and get that feeling of a weightless head, like a helium-filled baloon pulling me up towards the clouds, and job, profession, daily worries all become unimportant and meaningless.

All this is at the back of my mind, and I am the one insisting upon reality! Life is a paradox.

Instead i get all those messages that I don't even bother answering anymore, impolite as that may be. All those that talk of slavery, obedience, cages, pain and so on and so on....

I get messages from people who seem to be looking more for an unpaid maid than a sexual and emotional connection. In fact the need for an emotional connection seems to elude most people who proclaim their dominance and willingness to "own" another human very loudly. If people have no emotional attachment to any of their posessions, they are not my kind.

Another thing, and now I am really going to reveal what a snob I am. I may be a slavenature, but i'm also a snob!
Why are there so many people from the lower social-economic demographic on Cm.?
Why are there so many representatives of the idiot side of the culture war here?

Just wondering, that's all....

DREAMING

I dream. Night-dream and day-dream. The day dreams are the interesting ones.

I am always naked. My breats are feeling heavy, in my belly there are ants running around. My pussy is moist, soon wet. I am on my knees, thighs spread, my hands are resting on the floor beside me, palms up. my nipples are puckered, bigger than normal and getting hard.

I shiver in anticipation.

In my mind I feel the enormous relief and lightness that comes fromthe ultimate freedom. The real freedom of not acting, thinking, meaning, Just being. Being owned. Being ruled by another.

Just yielding to owners quiet friendly voiced orders. Formulated as requests, but never leaving any doubt that they are precise instructions.

-Lean back, please, and push your hips forward - he says quietly. I would never dream of not doing as he says, because he has by his words decided what I will do.

-Good little girl, he says. He grabs my crotch and feels the smooth skin of the freshly shaved cuntflesh. I delight in feeling the pressure of his firm hand and give a little noise of contentment as I feel two fingers pressing decisively into my cunt.

Leaning back with body and soul in perfect warm happy contentment that my master is taking his pleasure with me I relax and I am about to sink into a state of soft, warm, fluffy happiness when I scream as the sharp cane cuts across my breasts, hurting a nipple with a hard, painfull sting, bringing tears to my eyes and small whimpers to my mouth.

It is followed by a series of cuts criss crossing my belly. He hits hard today, very hard. I know bellyflesh will rise into angry red welts in a few minutes.

the tears are running now and i am crying for real now, and I know this excites my master and that makes me happy.

Suddenly the caning stops, my legs are forced even wider apart and I feel my master entering me and filling my cunt and my lower belly with his cock and I feel every inch of my cuntflesh being massaged and rubbed by his cock and again the special feeling of happiness at being used by my master fills me.

Writing this makes me wet and I will go somewhere and masturbate. All for now folks, hope you enjoyed it!

Impotent dominant men

There are some. I have met a few. Before anybody assumes anything - two impotent doms I know are among the greatest doms and most wonderful lovers I know. They are both older, one i know had a bout with prostate cancer. They are both perfectly at ease with their impotence and they know how to deal with me in ways which really makes it unimportant wheather I suck on a hard or a soft penis. I don't mind.

The problem is the man who becomes a so-called dominant and a sadist because he seeks revenge on the whole female sex for his own inadequasies.
Normally i succeed in sussing out the type before I actually meet with them, but this weekend it happened.

A fairly attractive man, good looking and dresses well. has an incompetent hairdresser, but that's not his fault. Well modulated voice, a tiny bit high-pitched. All in all he makes a good first impression as we met in a restaurant. He makes me show myself playing it dangerously close to being discovered bu others and it turns quite exciting. We change information about ourselves and I feel I get to know him a little.

He appears quite commanding, a bit arrogant (quite a few doms are, Its not at all a turn off) We talk about limits and safewords, signals. I get real horny and when he asks I almost leap up to follow him home.

He lives in a small house, he undresses me and leaves me naked on the porch and goes in, locking the door. Once he is inside he turns on the outside lamp really illuminating me, I become highly visible to anybody passing on the street. I kneel down partly covered by the railing, but clearly still visible from the street. An elderly couple out for a stroll pass, see me, hesitate and move on. By the time he lets me in I am practically dripping!

He takes a flogger and warms me all over, by this time he is excited himself and he presses me down on my knees before him, he drops his pants and underpants. He has a mid sized cock, it is semi-hard. He grabs my head commands my moth open to maximum capacity and proceeds to face-fuck me. Hard. And then I start noticing after a while that he is getting softer and softer.

I start to suck hard and for a short while the cock responds, but then - it just goes to sleep!

That is when he gets angry. Its wednesday today. It hurts to walk. I have a terribly bluish-yellowish eye, my entire body is covered in welts and also takes on the complete spectrum of the rainbow colors. He never responded to my safewords or my hand signals.

It was exciting. It ended up being painfilled misery.

I have been with him for the last time.
Shit, its so hard to pick the right ones!!
He seemed so perfect when we corresponded in advance.

Being somebody's permanent slave?

Would it be possible?

I assume I share a lot of fantasies and dreams with other subs. One of those dreams is to be a permanent slave. A 24/7/365 slave!

There are some of my friends whom I see more or less on a regular basis who I could easily submit to, and start a process of wiping out my ego (I sound like a budhist) and becoming that elusive creature: the perfect odalisque.

This dream is one that at times is overwhelmingly strong, at other times it just seems utterly unrealistic. So what to do?

I have to admit to a certain feeling of emptiness with my present life. Being popular is nice, but having booked every weekend and school holiday from now until may next year is surrealistic. I just can't continue, I have to find a solution.

So is total slavery realistic?

What would it require?

Some sort of guarantee that if my owner got tired of me when my breasts sag too much, my skin is not so fresh and my hair starts to go grey, I would still be taken care of. Money-wise I mean. I would need some arrangement. A legal contract of some kind, naming me an employee of some kind perhaps?

So the first thing it would require is an owner who is if not rich, at least well-off.

Marriage? At least in countries like the US, a possible divorce would leave me with a sufficient guarantee, provided the husband is sufficiently well off.
The problem is that marriage feels wrong if I am going to be a real slave.

Then, is it really realistic that I could live ALL the time with a very limited set of stimuli? No owner would truly want to tend to me, use me, play with me all the time. There will be hours and hours I would have to spend doing other things. What things would that be?

I dream about it, but I suspect it will remain a dream.

What then?

There is no doubt that my present life is not sustainable over time. Sooner or later (probably sooner) changes will have to be made. So what to do? How to live? What to look for?

Enforced chastity, orgasm control. I hate it!

First of all it never works on me. I come to easily. I tend more and more to sort out dominants who uses this a s a dominating technique.

I also think it's a counter-productive technique if the dominant's desire is to grow and nurture the sense and depth of submission in me.
It calls mostly for a gigantic mobilization of will-power for me to postpone an orgasm that wants to happen.
It becomes a tool to train will-power in me!
Where is the sense in that?

For me it is much more a re-inforcement of my objectification, my submissiveness, to constantly being brought to orgasm through the will and manipulation of my dominant. The orgasm just becomes a result of my dominant's action and is divorced from my own control. To hold it back re-inforces MY control, because it is ultimately I who have to control it.

I would like to hear from Dominants about this. What pleasure do you get out of it? Why do you think it is a productive technique?

Please, tell me!

I feel I owe my readers to give a summary of my "great american tour of 2010". I already posted a short description from my first meeting with a wonderful, single domme in New York.

From there I went south to North Carolina and had a not very great time with a somewhat confused man who actually got to whip a woman for the first time in his life. It's not the first time this has happenend to me and I still find it quite strange. Some men are able to write with a degree of sophistication and knowledge which clearly is founded on extensive reading of internet sites and books. Unfortunately the first time a woman meets one of them it becomes embarrassingly obvious that she is dealing with a neophyte who knows the theory but just doesn't have the manner and self-confidence of the experienced man.
He was a harmless man, but rather pathetic and I left after one day.

I got in touch with my Florida date hoping I could come there a little early, and it suddenly turned out I couldn't come there at all. It appeared that the female part of the couple had never been informed of the invitation at all, it clearly was not her I had spoken to on the phone after all and the man was terribly embarrassed and tried to cover it all by being rather abusive on the phone. So there I was, a full week before I was meeting my old friends in Chicago, and they were away so going there early was not an option.

It ended up with going back to New York and spending yet one more week as a devoted slavegirl to a mistress who is fast becoming one of my particular loves.

Then Chicago - all I can say is again, Thank You both, and yes I will be back sometime and I know Theo sent you an invitation and please, please do think about it.

The last visit was to a small town in northern California, so small that I shouldn't really name it because my Master there likes his anonymity. He had a place just outside town where I have spent a week in harness, for the first time really being a ponygirl. It took quite some time learning to pull that sulky when blindfolded, just being steered by the reins to the bit in my mouth. I got quite good at it I feel, but god - northern California summers are really quite cold!

I will skip the next week which was spent with my father and his wife and kids. It was nice but I was happy when I got onto that plane to New York again. This time to meet Theo, who had decided to pick me up there.

Four days in a luxury hotel. Great restaurants. Jazzclubs, comedy club and then a quick flight to Paris, TGV to Montpellier and now I am back, naked under the loggia on Theo's terrace.

Life is good!

Some people should be grateful that I am too polite to actually post their names on my blog!

Remote control. WOW.

First she put this egglike,metal,thing up my pussy. Then, a light leather harness with a crotch strap keeping it in. It also squeezes my breasts at the base and make them fill with blood and stand out in the most provocative fashion. Then t-shirt and cut offs so tight and short it is bound to draw a lot of eyes.

Then out to view the Macy's fourth of july fireworks.

Among a few million others. It seems they're all aware of me.

She starts to zap me - bzzzz, and my belly and cunt contracts and twitches and burns.

I perform a litle dance. I try to look like i'm just ecstatic about the fireworks.

It's incredibly warm. I sweat, my t-shirt gets warm - and wet - and translucent.

What a sight i must be.