Impotent dominant men

There are some. I have met a few. Before anybody assumes anything - two impotent doms I know are among the greatest doms and most wonderful lovers I know. They are both older, one i know had a bout with prostate cancer. They are both perfectly at ease with their impotence and they know how to deal with me in ways which really makes it unimportant wheather I suck on a hard or a soft penis. I don't mind.

The problem is the man who becomes a so-called dominant and a sadist because he seeks revenge on the whole female sex for his own inadequasies.
Normally i succeed in sussing out the type before I actually meet with them, but this weekend it happened.

A fairly attractive man, good looking and dresses well. has an incompetent hairdresser, but that's not his fault. Well modulated voice, a tiny bit high-pitched. All in all he makes a good first impression as we met in a restaurant. He makes me show myself playing it dangerously close to being discovered bu others and it turns quite exciting. We change information about ourselves and I feel I get to know him a little.

He appears quite commanding, a bit arrogant (quite a few doms are, Its not at all a turn off) We talk about limits and safewords, signals. I get real horny and when he asks I almost leap up to follow him home.

He lives in a small house, he undresses me and leaves me naked on the porch and goes in, locking the door. Once he is inside he turns on the outside lamp really illuminating me, I become highly visible to anybody passing on the street. I kneel down partly covered by the railing, but clearly still visible from the street. An elderly couple out for a stroll pass, see me, hesitate and move on. By the time he lets me in I am practically dripping!

He takes a flogger and warms me all over, by this time he is excited himself and he presses me down on my knees before him, he drops his pants and underpants. He has a mid sized cock, it is semi-hard. He grabs my head commands my moth open to maximum capacity and proceeds to face-fuck me. Hard. And then I start noticing after a while that he is getting softer and softer.

I start to suck hard and for a short while the cock responds, but then - it just goes to sleep!

That is when he gets angry. Its wednesday today. It hurts to walk. I have a terribly bluish-yellowish eye, my entire body is covered in welts and also takes on the complete spectrum of the rainbow colors. He never responded to my safewords or my hand signals.

It was exciting. It ended up being painfilled misery.

I have been with him for the last time.
Shit, its so hard to pick the right ones!!
He seemed so perfect when we corresponded in advance.

Being somebody's permanent slave?

Would it be possible?

I assume I share a lot of fantasies and dreams with other subs. One of those dreams is to be a permanent slave. A 24/7/365 slave!

There are some of my friends whom I see more or less on a regular basis who I could easily submit to, and start a process of wiping out my ego (I sound like a budhist) and becoming that elusive creature: the perfect odalisque.

This dream is one that at times is overwhelmingly strong, at other times it just seems utterly unrealistic. So what to do?

I have to admit to a certain feeling of emptiness with my present life. Being popular is nice, but having booked every weekend and school holiday from now until may next year is surrealistic. I just can't continue, I have to find a solution.

So is total slavery realistic?

What would it require?

Some sort of guarantee that if my owner got tired of me when my breasts sag too much, my skin is not so fresh and my hair starts to go grey, I would still be taken care of. Money-wise I mean. I would need some arrangement. A legal contract of some kind, naming me an employee of some kind perhaps?

So the first thing it would require is an owner who is if not rich, at least well-off.

Marriage? At least in countries like the US, a possible divorce would leave me with a sufficient guarantee, provided the husband is sufficiently well off.
The problem is that marriage feels wrong if I am going to be a real slave.

Then, is it really realistic that I could live ALL the time with a very limited set of stimuli? No owner would truly want to tend to me, use me, play with me all the time. There will be hours and hours I would have to spend doing other things. What things would that be?

I dream about it, but I suspect it will remain a dream.

What then?

There is no doubt that my present life is not sustainable over time. Sooner or later (probably sooner) changes will have to be made. So what to do? How to live? What to look for?

Enforced chastity, orgasm control. I hate it!

First of all it never works on me. I come to easily. I tend more and more to sort out dominants who uses this a s a dominating technique.

I also think it's a counter-productive technique if the dominant's desire is to grow and nurture the sense and depth of submission in me.
It calls mostly for a gigantic mobilization of will-power for me to postpone an orgasm that wants to happen.
It becomes a tool to train will-power in me!
Where is the sense in that?

For me it is much more a re-inforcement of my objectification, my submissiveness, to constantly being brought to orgasm through the will and manipulation of my dominant. The orgasm just becomes a result of my dominant's action and is divorced from my own control. To hold it back re-inforces MY control, because it is ultimately I who have to control it.

I would like to hear from Dominants about this. What pleasure do you get out of it? Why do you think it is a productive technique?

Please, tell me!